If you were not aware, let me tell you: teaching is no joke. I thought the crappy part of my life was over. The part where I'm poor and scrounging for money to pay rent. The part where I didn't know what I was going to do next in life. But alas, I was wrong. This beautiful burden that we call "life" is just beginning.
Two years ago, my biggest problem was that I had to wear a ridiculously ugly uniform consisting of oversized khaki pants, a white shirt, warm Timberland boots and a red jacket that you could spot from a mile away. The tradeoff? I got to live in New York City, working with a crazy, yet wonderful group of teenagers that would forever change my life. Last year, around this time, my biggest problem was not having a job and therefore not having enough money to pay rent. Luckily, I was living in one of the greatest cities in the world surrounded by good friends who had become my second family. Today, the list seems like it's never ending.
I still don't have a place to live and am living out of my suitcase; I don't know when I'll be getting my first paycheck from the DOE because they mailed my new hire papers late; I'm living off of one car with my boyfriend--which has proven especially difficult since we work on opposite sides of the island; I'm teaching 3 different math courses despite the fact that I haven't taken it in almost 5 years; and my to-do list is never ending. When you're a teacher, there's really no "days off" or "vacation" because there is always something to do. Lesson planning, grading, phone calls home, assessing, collecting data, meetings...it just never ends. It's only been two weeks! Not even full weeks, 4-day weeks, and I'm tired.
The other day I just laid in bed before going to sleep and had myself a good, quiet cry. I know, you're probably asking yourself: "Why the hell were you crying??!? You live in Hawaii for Pete's sake! It's paradise." My idea of paradise isn't spending 3 hours of my life in a car everyday, being stuck in traffic that hardly moves, or being worried that I'm going to wake up to a cockroach in my ear or bugs in my bed, or even sweating in the place I live or my classroom just from moving 2 feet. Although being here wasn't my ideal, one of the perks of being a grown-up is that I had a choice and I chose to do this.
So even though everyday at 2 pm I feel like crying and having a mental breakdown because I am so tired and overwhelmed by the fact that my life is far from being settled, I remind myself to take it a day at a time. I may not love it here yet (because New York will forever have my heart), but I'm blessed to have been given the opportunity to work with the students I work with and to be starting Grad school. Gotta keep on keepin on!