One of my biggest fears in the world, as stupid as it may seem, is casually going to hang out with a dude and being slapped in the face with the harsh realization that A) he's digging me or B) this casual hang out is actually a date. Too many times I have caught myself in a situation where I'm out having dinner or drinks with a male friend, or someone who I thought was just a friend, when all of a sudden it happens. "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey is playing in the background and he finally gets the courage to shift his body towards mine and the next thing I know there he is with his hand on my leg as we laugh at some stupid joke that was just made. HOLD UP, wait a minute! I thought we were just catching up, having drinks at a bar. Apparently I didn't get the memo that the words: "we should catch up/go grab some [insert food or beverage type here]" actually means: "SURPRISE! You're my Valentine." What does one even say to that?? A simple "thank you" might do. Or would a blank stare be sufficient? I've never really been able to decide which is the worse of two evils. I'm not very comfortable acknowledging his efforts nor am I okay making him feel like a total and complete dumb ass for not being more clear with his intentions. Maybe I was unclear about his intentions. Either way, I fear where he may try and go with this since we clearly aren't on the same page.
I usually spend the rest of the night trying to throw subtle hints that I'm really not into him. I cross my legs away from him, I talk about some guy that I've recently gone on a date with, I try to look as bored as possible in high hopes that he might realize that I'm just not into him in that way. Despite my efforts, I think every time I smile at the lame jokes he makes he gets the impression that this is going somewhere--it's not. I try to mentally prepare myself for the awkwardness that will be our goodbye: a handshake, maybe a side hug, an attempted kiss as we hug, Lord only knows what it will be. Unfortunately, I have lost track of the number of times that I've had to swerve away from a lame attempt at an unwelcomed kiss and bumped heads with a guy, making things even more uncomfortable. There's nothing like getting yourself into a situation that you don't know how to get out of, am I right? So here's a little advice (to my future self and you) from what I've learned...
GUYS:
Unless you enjoy embarrassing yourselves, learn to take a hint. Also, don't assume that a girl is on the same page as you if you didn't explicitly state that what you were doing was going to be a date.
LADIES:
Do yourself a favor and don't go out with guys alone unless you're positive that they're just a bro. The world runs on reciprocity and if he wants to hang out with you alone it's because he's looking for something in return...like your mutual affection.
I know we've all been in these types of situations. What would/did you do??
Those subtle hints don't work though. AND remember that guys are just as scared as girls. If you won't tell a guy you just not into him, he won't tell you he's just THAT into you. Subtle never works in the beginning stages (or lack there of.) When he puts his hand on you, you need to make it clear that those sorts of moves aren't OK.
ReplyDeleteToo often have I found a good friend to turn out to be into me! Then the situation becomes A. We like the same things B.We enjoy the other's company C.I don't find you attractive. The last one hinders even being friends when before that realization we could have been unsexed platonic soul mates.
I think the real killer is ambiguity. Always be clear. even if it takes marking something after plans are made as a "friend date". Its a good way of saying this is to build our unromantic feelings in a way that benefits both of us in a social setting.