5 things I've learned from my long-distance friendlationship

Over the past couple of years I have moved around a bit, leaving behind all that is good and righteous in the great state of Texas. It's difficult to pack up and depart with everything you've known and loved for so long, and it's even more difficult when you realize that it probably won't be the first or the last time you'll be doing it. I remember the first time I moved, it was to the Big Apple--concrete jungle where dreams are made of, like Alicia Keys would say. We had to take two cars to the airport because my luggage and the people living in my house would not all fit in one. I knew it wouldn't be forever, but it seemed like it would be an eternity. I love my family, but it was hardest saying good-bye to my best friend and her daughter, both who have become closer than family. Almost three years later and we're now an ocean apart.

Today, I received a wonderful package from her filled with chocolate, girly things and a $20 dollar bill that said "buy yourself something pretty." It's been an extremely difficult adjustment living in Hawaii with few friends and no one to run to (that's in a decent proximity) when I just need a gal-pal, but I'm dealing. Reading the note she left me in my new journal (because lord knows I love journals) made me reflect on the importance of our friendship and the things I've learned from this experience.

Saying "good-bye" never gets any easier.
And neither does: "I'll see you soon" or "I won't be gone for long" or any other phrase that you say each time you have to part ways again. My heart breaks every time I have to kiss that little girl good-bye and leave my best friend to live a life apart from them. She has played the role of my significant other for quite some time and there have not been many times that we have been apart. It may not get easier, but it does make you stronger.

Writing letters is waaayyyyyyy better than email.
Like, way way.Yes, email is faster. And yes, you have to pay for postage. BUT nothing says "I love you and miss you" like a nice hand-written letter expressing how much you love/hate your new city and all the cool/lame things you're doing and all the new (but not even as close to cool as her) friends you're making. Plus, it's always nice to read some hand-written words of inspiration from your bestie to give you that little kick in the butt you may need.

Jealousy will happen.
Every time I see her post a picture on Instagram with someone else or doing something cool, there's this feeling inside of me hoping she'll have the worst time ever because I'm not there. Oh, and that picture with that other chick, she's going down as soon as I get back! Or wait, is that only me?? I'm sure it's not, but I think my jealousy is both amusing and refreshing to her. I may be ridiculous, but at least she knows that she's my BFF and there's no way in hell I'm sharing her with anyone else.

Distance ain't nothing but a number.
They say that distance makes the heart grow fonder and I find it true to some extent. I don't think I've grown fonder of my bestie boo, but her absence and the friendship we have has made me realize how special what we have is. We may be an ocean apart, but that means nothing when I know that nothing could keep her safe from my excessive text messages, ridiculous faces made while on FaceTime and pro lurking status (I see all).

She's your best babe forever and nothing will change that.
If there's one thing I've learned, it's that this girl isn't going anywhere. She's the chips to my queso, the malita to my animalita and my homegirl for life. I left her once to go to New York and I left her again to come to Hawaii, and she still hasn't left. No matter the distance, the big life changes, the ups or the downs she will forever be my soul mate and my other half, forever and ever. She'll always be my BFFLmnop!

Late Post: Top 5 Things I'm Thankful

When I was younger, I couldn't wait for the holidays--it was my favorite time of the year! I came from a big Mexican family which meant big parties with lots of food, fun and laughter. Family would come in from out of town, there was a plethora of pies and desserts to choose from, and I loved helping my mom and grandma put up their never ending supply of Christmas decorations the day after Thanksgiving. My grandmother was just as meticulous about things as I was, so I appreciated her need for perfection in my assembly of the Nativity scene, followed by her extreme sense of gratitude for my help.

It doesn't matter what you gather around

It seems like not too long ago I was venturing off to New York to start a new chapter of my life. I gave up a job that I enjoyed, where I got paid actual money, to move to a place where I had no one and got paid almost nothing. I can't remember a time in my life when I was happier. People didn't understand why I did what I did; why I would give up being comfortable to do something so unheard of: volunteering. Living off of an extremely modest stipend is no joke when you are truly living off of that stipend...with no help...from anyone. I learned a lot from that experience.

• Money can't make me happy and I would rather be poor and happy than well off and miserable. (Ideally, both would be great; but let's not get in over our heads.)
• If I could live off of that much (or little) money, I could live off of almost any amount.
• People will mostly likely never understand and will question that decision because we live in a world where money is king.
• Material things aren't important. If I have to choose between buying something (like furniture) or going out with friends then I'm going to choose the latter.

This past week, I had the privilege of spending it in New York visiting friends and interviewing for a couple of teaching programs. It felt like I had never left! We all may be preparing for the next steps in our lives (aka getting real paying jobs and going to school), but we haven't forgotten the importance of what it means to have each other. People get busy, they grow up--get crap jobs, get great jobs, have kids, get married, get divorced, have accomplishments and failures--and sometimes these other things take precedence. Life happens, but true friends are there no matter what. And those are hard to find.

I never really understood what it meant to have so little and still have wealth until I moved to New York and met a wild group of people that would play such an important role in my life. In that short amount of time, I was reminded of the importance of having good people in your life. As I spent this past week bouncing between friends' homes, receiving a tremendous amount of help prep for my interviews, and being taken such good care of as I began to fall ill  I couldn't help but be grateful for the second family I had found.

Now, please forgive the abrupt transition, but this mini story is relevant.

A couple of Christmases ago, I had seen a Jack Daniel's advertisement on the train that I fell in love with. One of my best friends that I had made in New York gave me the bright idea of taking signs from the train. At the time I saw it there were too many people on the train to take it out of the thick plastic covering that held it in place. I ran between train carts to see if I could find one that was semi-empty, but I couldn't find the sign. After going out that New Years Eve, I saw the sign on my way home, but again the carts were packed (due to the fact that it was NYE). I rode several different trains until I found one that I could take. The sign said: It doesn't matter what you gather around so long as you do.

We never really had a lot while we were there. Apartments were unfurnished, we didn't go to fancy shmancy restaurants or bars, and we didn't have money to blow. It didn't matter that when people came to dinner at my apartment we sat on the floor and makeshift couches or that our utensils were plastic sporks. (Well, it may have mattered to some, but it really didn't matter once I reminded them of the free home cooked meal they were getting.) Furniture and material things don't make memories--people do. We had something money couldn't buy; we had each other and that was enough.

What's my problem with committment?

Being a 24 year old female is hard. It's just down right difficult! On one hand there are shows like HBO's Girls and New Girl and Broad City that tell you it's okay to be single and having fun--still trying to figure everything out. Just embrace it! Then on the other hand, I scroll through my Facebook feed and see numerous engagement and baby announcements, photos of friends from high school that have gotten married, and college friends taking family photos in bright colored fields of Indian paintbrushes and those infamous Texas bluebonnets. I find myself battling this great internal conflict between what I want now and what I thought I would want now (at this point in my life).

I used to think that by this age I would be married, getting ready to have kids and settled in a career that I enjoy. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would be where I am now. Then again, who ever thinks they would be where they are now? Not many people. My greatest fear was that I would never have a family of my own, never be able to feel the joy of that. Now, marriage and children are so far out of sight they almost seem intangible. Sometimes, I don't know if I'm going left, right, up or down.

Deep inside of me is the yearning for that big family (all 100 kids included) that I wanted when I was a little girl. But buried even deeper is the urge to be free and to experience a life of my own without the restrictions that come along with having someone to be committed to. I always thought that I was the type of person meant to be in a relationship and for a decent amount of my life I have been. I remember sitting in the music hall in middle school, talking with Jessica Lopez and wondering why certain girls had boyfriends and we didn't. To be in a relationship is what I had always wanted...until I had the opportunity of moving to New York City.

I started a journey with an extremely diverse group of people in an equally diverse community and had the awakening of a lifetime. This city never sleeps and the people are always up to something and the energy is always flowing. It's just so alive! It was here that I found myself and was able to embrace the free spirit that I am; it was here that I was able to begin to experience life without a significant other; and it was here that I was able to take the first step towards doing something for me. To be able to do things that once seemed so far out of reach that they were only a dream--to me, that's a beautiful thing.

Currently being in a city that is so centered around family, I find it hard not to think about finding someone to settle down and have a family with. I mean, everyone's doing it! I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with getting married or having children at this age. Being a self-declared feminist, I personally think it's a wonderful thing and a big accomplishment despite what other feminists may say or think. Not everyone can raise children or balance work-life and family-life successfully. At this point in my life, I think my selfish needs to do things I want and love outweigh my desire for a family life. Following your dreams isn't always easy when you have a family or are older. It's doable, but if I have the opportunity to do something different then I'm going to take it; and that's exactly what I'm doing.

It's my birthday and I'll cry if I want to.

As far back as I can remember, I've never been alone on my birthday. I've always had my family and friends and a boyfriend that would help me celebrate another year of me being completely awesome. Then last year happened. I. Was. A. Wreck. I woke up that morning feeling extremely depressed. I had been waiting an entire year to be rid of the awkward age of 22 that Taylor Swift sings so positively about like it's some sort of super-power giving number. I was in one of the most wonderful cities in the entire world with a group of amazingly great friends. But for some reason, I just couldn't shake off that feeling. To make matters worse, I was running late to work.

I remember walking to my Program Manager's office, on the verge of a complete breakdown, thinking of what smart remark I could make if he asked me why I was late (like that would really make a difference in me getting written up or not). He didn't ask, but he did tell me happy birthday as I signed my write-up paper. Clearly, I wasn't thrilled at the fact that I felt like I was being mocked and wanted to jump over his desk for having the audacity to wish me a happy birthday as he bestowed such an unhappy thing upon me. By the end of the day you could just tell that I was an emotional wreck. At our final circle, my Team Leader had everyone say what they liked about me to cheer me up. Most of them stated something about my outgoing personality and how much fun I was to go out with. Ironic since I was so unhappy on what should have been a glorious day. I spent that evening eating a medium pepperoni pizza and some hot wings from Domino's all alone on my bedroom floor as I cried hysterically and watched the newest episode of HBO's Girls.

A year later, and 24 isn't looking much better than 22 or 23. I'm back in San Antonio (a place I promised myself I would never come back to), I don't have a job and in about a month or so I will probably be without money. But I did it to myself and I am willing to accept the fact that sometimes you have to take a step back so you can move forward. So here's to you, 24, and everything that you have in store for me!

Take a breath, reflect on what you've been through.

For the past several weeks, I have been doing absolutely nothing. When I say nothing, I mean sitting on the couch, watching every episode of Parks and Recreation on Netflix and eating pizza for lunch and dinner (because I sleep in too late to eat breakfast). Am I lazy? Not generally speaking. Could I be doing better things with my time? Sure. Do I really care? No, no I do not. For as long as I can remember, I have always had some sort of plan. Go to college: done! Graduate: check! Land my first "big girl" job: nailed it! BUT WAIT! Here comes the page turner...quit my job to go do volunteer work on the other side of the country. [Insert loud gasp here.] "Wait, you mean you quit your job, which paid you money, to go work for FREE?!" Yes I did; and I must say, it was the BEST decision of my life. Then, my 1 year program finished and I found yet ANOTHER volunteer program to do. Well, life happens and I am back in the great state of Texas and the not so thrilling city of San Antonio.

For the first time in my life, I don't have a plan. I don't know what I am doing, I don't know where I see myself in the next year (even less so in the next 5 years), and I don't know what I really, truly want. The only thing I'm sure of is that I want to be happy. I'm not one to acknowledge major accomplishments in my life--I'm a bit of a minimalist--but I am all for doing things that make you happy/feel accomplished/become a wiser person. As I sat on the couch earlier today, I started to think of everything I've accomplished and been able to do/experience so far in my life. I know we're all tired of the ridiculous amounts of lists that people have been putting out, but since I will be turning 24 next week, I decided to write down 24 things. In no particular order, the list goes as such:

1. Received a full academic scholarship to college
2. Joined a sorority, dropped my letters, and made some AMAZING friends
3. Got on the Dean's List for more than 1 semester
4. Failed a class...then tracked down my teacher to make up the work to change my grade
5. Graduated college
6. Moved to a different state
7. Volunteered for an entire year
8. Rode the NYC metro with no pants
9. Had a pillow fight in Washington Square Park
10. Played unconventional BINGO
11. Made it on my own in New York City
12. Attended a global silent dance party
13. Overcame my fear of public speaking (for the most part)
14. Performed in a talent show...twice
15. Became a licensed Zumba instructor
16. Obtained my SAMA, CPR and First Aid certifications
17. Had my first big girl job doing something I actually loved
18. Became a serial dater
19. Fell in love and fell right back out of it
20. Laughed so hard I couldn't move
21. Helped raise a child
22. Rented my first apartment
23. Found that my students could teach me just as much as I could teach them
24. Learned to love myself

Although this list isn't anything extravagant, I'm extremely proud of every single item on it. I don't know where I'm headed, but I know that the journey will be amazing and the destination will be worth it.