I want devastating love

Note: The first paragraph was written pre-Clark, probably around February.

A few months ago, I jumped onboard with everyone else in the world and became OBSESSED with the show Scandal. It's just so...so....so scandalous! I love it!!! During the second season, Olivia Pope tells the guy she is dating: "I want painful, difficult, devastating, life-changing, extraordinary love. Don't you want that, too?" The guy then goes on to tell her that love shouldn't be painful or devastating. Then it hit me--I have this completely distorted view of the way I think my relationships should be.

First date, first impressions

First impressions are EVERYTHING. Think of them as the deciding factor whether you will be that job you've always dreamt of or working at a shit-hole for the rest of your life. Within the first few seconds of meeting someone I can already tell if I'm going to like them or if they're going to be a waste of my time. I don't hate many things in life, but if there's one thing that I do hate it's having my time wasted. If you're going to ask me (or any person) out on a date it would be great if you gather up enough information about me to put a couple of good ideas down on the drawing board or that you've asked me for suggestions of things I do and/or don't like so you can muster up a plan of action. Now, I've been on some really awesome first dates and some not so awesome ones where I wanted to crawl out of a bathroom window in order to escape awkwardness/boredom/the guy that was sitting across the table from me. In hopes that this may help someone, I have come up with some things to keep in mind when it comes to first dates.

BEFORE

• PLAN- There's nothing I hate more than meeting up with a guy that asks me what I want to eat or what I'd like to do. You should have asked me BEFORE, like, when we were texting.
• NOTIFY- Let them know what the date will be consisting of so they can dress accordingly. You don't want to show up to dinner dressed like you're going to the club!
• PREPARE- Although this is not an interview, you want to make sure that you have things to talk about and that you're not being socially awkward (in case you normally are).
• ***NOTE: When planning the date, cross out the idea of long walks across bridges or any other ideas that you had where the only means of escaping is by jumping off of/out of/into something. You want the date to be good, but you also want to prepare for the worst!

DURING

• DON'T: complain or rant about your ex, your toe fungus, that funky smell that's been accompanying the itch in your crotch, or how you're a mama's boy.
• DO: compliment her on how nice she looks, look engaged while she's talking, ask follow-up questions, and make her laugh!
• ***NOTE: Unless you've mentioned that you two will be "going Dutch," there should be no reason for you not to pay if you were the one who invited.

AFTER: THE KISS...and other things to follow

• DON'T: assume that she wants to kiss you, come at her with your mouth wide open, slobber on her, shove your tongue down her throat, or be the creep that insists he take her home/make sure she gets home safely after she already told your ass no.
• DO: be a gentleman (maybe it would be appropriate to ask for you), let her know that you had a [insert well-thought out word or phrase here] time, and RELAX! It's not the end of the world.
• ***NOTE:  NO MEANS NO! Don't beg like a puppy dog--it's just sad.

Remember, first impressions are important; especially if you're wanting things to progress (in anything). Be yourself--not a creep or a weirdo--and do something fun! Life's too short to only go on dinner and movie dates. (Check back soon for some fun date ideas!)

Have you met my friend OkCupid??

I was first introduced to the wonderful world of online dating by a girl friend on my City Year team shortly after I moved to New York. To be perfectly honest, I'm not too sure why I joined after hearing the horrors of what were supposed to be "first dates." I went against my better judgment and lined up suitor after suitor to go on dates with. Hey, dinner is dinner when you're poor and living off of change that your students give you to put towards getting a TV. This was the first time in my young adult life that I was not committed to any single person and I wanted to take complete and full advantage of it. Besides, what better way to go to cool places throughout New York City than to have some dude who's already been living there for a while take you...and pay!

Lucky for me, my first date went pretty swell. I met this guy in the St. Marks area (which later became one of my favorite areas of all time) where he took me to this awesome place called Marks Burgers (soon to become one of my favorite restaurants) and a speak easy bar. In the midst of a conversation, we found that we both liked Macklemore and he just so happened to have an extra ticket for ME! Now, I had already decided that I would never date this guy, but I wanted to go to that concert and it was already sold out. So again, I went against what my mind was telling me and went to that concert with him the following week. I had a BLAST...until the end of the night came and he wanted to kiss me before we went our separate ways. Although he was polite and asked, I said no, to which he followed with the same damn question. I'm sorry, but since when did "no" mean "maybe" that it would make you think it's okay to ask again. For the sole reason that I wanted to hear him stop talking as he waited with me for my train, I gave him a peck and then ran onto said train that had just reached the station--in time to save my life!

I never went out with him again. Clearly we weren't on the same page and he was looking for something that I didn't want to give him. Had he been okay with just being friends then I think things could have worked out. The funny thing about online dating is that it's really hit or miss. Either you meet guys who genuinely don't have time to meet girls because of work/school/other important things and are trying to look for something while being normal about it. OR you meet guys that are wankers and 1) can't meet a girl because they are socially awkward, 2) aren't really looking for anything other than to...you know what, 3) like playing games, just want to waste your valuable time. With that being said, online dating is just as draining--if not more draining--than meeting douche bags at bars on a weekly basis. Remember, you can block people online, but it takes longer to get a restraining order for that creep you met last week downtown on the strip.