Note: The first paragraph was written pre-Clark, probably around February.
A few months ago, I jumped onboard with everyone else in the world and became OBSESSED with the show Scandal. It's just so...so....so scandalous! I love it!!! During the second season, Olivia Pope tells the guy she is dating: "I want painful, difficult, devastating, life-changing, extraordinary love. Don't you want that, too?" The guy then goes on to tell her that love shouldn't be painful or devastating. Then it hit me--I have this completely distorted view of the way I think my relationships should be.
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 22, 2014
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Why people can't handle the truth
Coming to the end of a relationship (any type of relationship) is hard. More than likely, you're going to tell the person the reason you're breaking up with them--like any normal person would do--in hopes that they may become more self aware and change their wicked ways. People always say that they'd rather someone be honest with them than be told a big, fat, juicy lie to spare their feelings. They don't want things heavily coated with sugar or tip-toed around like a sneaky toddler, they want the hard truth. I know I personally would prefer it if someone just gave it to me like it is instead of avoiding me or waiting an entire year to tell me how they really feel as if my time wasn't worth anything. Although people say they want the truth, the fact of the matter is that hearing the truth is hard. Even if it's done with the best intentions, no one really wants to hear the truth.
You're telling people that there's a problem with the way they act, so it looks like you're attacking who they are. You're telling them there's a problem with a situation, so you're telling them that they messed up with the way they handled things and therefore it is their fault. It's never easy hearing that you've done something wrong or that something was your fault--it comes with a very dissatisfying feeling. I've felt it, I've dealt it, denied it and supplied it. The fact of the matter is, the truth can be damaging sometimes for several reasons: 1) the spotlight is being put on an unwelcomed problem/situation, 2) there's the potential of creating a new problem (toying with someone's emotions is never a good thing), and 3) more than likely, a solution or some helpful advice is not being offered as aide to what you did not want to hear. If a solution is being offered, the person may take it offensively and then there's that problem.
When giving it to someone like it is, remember that you're dealing with a person that has real emotions and not just some carbon cut-out, robot freak that used to be your best friend or significant other. You don't want to beat around the bush, but you should be constructive when letting someone know that there's a problem going on. Hey, for all you know, they may be completely unaware and appreciative that you're trying to save them from themselves. Just remember, treat others the way you want to be treated...so let em down easy.
You're telling people that there's a problem with the way they act, so it looks like you're attacking who they are. You're telling them there's a problem with a situation, so you're telling them that they messed up with the way they handled things and therefore it is their fault. It's never easy hearing that you've done something wrong or that something was your fault--it comes with a very dissatisfying feeling. I've felt it, I've dealt it, denied it and supplied it. The fact of the matter is, the truth can be damaging sometimes for several reasons: 1) the spotlight is being put on an unwelcomed problem/situation, 2) there's the potential of creating a new problem (toying with someone's emotions is never a good thing), and 3) more than likely, a solution or some helpful advice is not being offered as aide to what you did not want to hear. If a solution is being offered, the person may take it offensively and then there's that problem.
When giving it to someone like it is, remember that you're dealing with a person that has real emotions and not just some carbon cut-out, robot freak that used to be your best friend or significant other. You don't want to beat around the bush, but you should be constructive when letting someone know that there's a problem going on. Hey, for all you know, they may be completely unaware and appreciative that you're trying to save them from themselves. Just remember, treat others the way you want to be treated...so let em down easy.
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
Being this happy makes me ANXIOUS.
I love, Love, LOVE the feelings I first have when I'm dating someone--everything is rainbows and butterflies and unicorns and I feel like I'm floating on cloud 9. You enter into this magical realm of bliss where you and your significant other run through fields of flowers, holding hands all day everyday. What could be better?? He's perfect, she's perfect, you're perfect, everything is perfect. It's great! But it doesn't take too long before I realize that things may be too perfect and I start to internally panic, waiting for Godzilla to appear and reign terror on my beautiful, new relationship.
WAIT...
I think I hear him...
No, that was my imagination running wild again. To say the least, I get anxious when I'm too happy. This is REAL life we're talking about, people. Things aren't meant to be perfect and idealism is just an idea. At least that's what I tell myself right before I start conjuring up a list of everything that can and will go wrong in my relationship. You know you do it too! Before you know it, you're hacking into Facebook and email accounts, cracking iPhone and Android locked phone codes, and following them around like Sherlock Holmes trying to solve the mystery of why all hell hasn't broken lose with your close-to-perfect better half. (I say "better" because clearly you're insane if you're doing all of that extra stuff, which automatically makes them better.)
Why do I do this to myself?? Why do YOU do this to yourself? It's not that I don't want to be happy or that being happy upsets me. I think it's more of the fear of failure--adding another name to the list of relationships that have gone down in shambles because I [insert absurd idea about why you're not good enough here]. As I've gotten older, I've realized that I get anxious not so much because I'm waiting for things to go wrong, but I'm more so anxious to know whether or not that feeling is going to fade away. I'm a firm believer that if you're with the right person, despite the lows and the occasional arguments that every couple has, the highs will always be higher than your lows and happiness will always radiate from your face when you're with one another.
Don't be anxious for things to fall apart, but for the right things to fall into place.
WAIT...
I think I hear him...
No, that was my imagination running wild again. To say the least, I get anxious when I'm too happy. This is REAL life we're talking about, people. Things aren't meant to be perfect and idealism is just an idea. At least that's what I tell myself right before I start conjuring up a list of everything that can and will go wrong in my relationship. You know you do it too! Before you know it, you're hacking into Facebook and email accounts, cracking iPhone and Android locked phone codes, and following them around like Sherlock Holmes trying to solve the mystery of why all hell hasn't broken lose with your close-to-perfect better half. (I say "better" because clearly you're insane if you're doing all of that extra stuff, which automatically makes them better.)
Why do I do this to myself?? Why do YOU do this to yourself? It's not that I don't want to be happy or that being happy upsets me. I think it's more of the fear of failure--adding another name to the list of relationships that have gone down in shambles because I [insert absurd idea about why you're not good enough here]. As I've gotten older, I've realized that I get anxious not so much because I'm waiting for things to go wrong, but I'm more so anxious to know whether or not that feeling is going to fade away. I'm a firm believer that if you're with the right person, despite the lows and the occasional arguments that every couple has, the highs will always be higher than your lows and happiness will always radiate from your face when you're with one another.
Don't be anxious for things to fall apart, but for the right things to fall into place.
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